When Ferrets Attack
by Captain LeBubbles
Summary: Kabuto has become rather desensitized to nudity over the years, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t appreciate what he sees. KabuTayu, rated for nudity. Title has nothing to do with the story.


When Ferrets Attack 

Summary- Kabuto has become rather desensitized to nudity over the years, but that doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate what he sees. Title has nothing to do with the story.

A/N- I honestly think you can pair up Tayuya with any of the other Sound guys and have it be legitimate … such is the cost of being one of the only two girls serving Orochimaru to make it onto the show (my favorites are KidoTayu and SakoTayu). The title of this story is from a Naruto icon I found on photobucket and has absolutely nothing to do with the story.

Disclaimer- If I owned Naruto, Tayuya and the others would not have died. Then they could come back and create more trouble for the Leaf Shinobi. Except for Jirobo. I didn't like him because he bad-mouthed Shikamaru.

Snap- So did Tayuya.

Bubbles- Yes, but she was fighting him.

(o.o.o)

Kabuto had become somewhat desensitized to nudity over his years as a medical ninja. That wasn't to say that he didn't still appreciate the female form, of course. Kabuto loved when he had to give one of the girls a physical, because being a doctor didn't change the fact that he was male, and there were certain things that no amount of nudity could desensitize him to women's bodies. The fact that Orochimaru's male minions outnumbered the females by about five to one on any given day caused him to, if anything, appreciate the female far more than was healthy. When the time for the bi-annual physical exams, he always scheduled the girls last because that gave him the oppurtunity to get Jirobo and the others out of his head.

Of all the women's bodies that Kabuto got to look at on a regular basis, Tayuya's was his favorite. As far as he was concerned, her body was perfect. She was quite slim, but not a stick, the result of all those years trying to keep up with her male teammates at the dinner table. And while it was true that she was quite flat chested, he didn't really like women with large breasts anyway. Large breasts could be bad for the back.

Besides, she wasn't nearly as flat chested as her baggy clothes made her out to be.

That was another thing he liked about her body; it wasn't on display for the world to see, it was a privilege that few gained. In fact, as far as Kabuto knew, he was the only one to ever gain that privilege.

He and Sakon, who had just unwittingly walked into the bathroom on a very wet, very naked Tayuya. He just stared at her for a good 27 seconds before realizing the danger he was in and ran out of the room, Tayuya hot on his trail, yelling obscenities and wrapped in a fluffy pink towel. Kidomaru, in a burst of kindness, and because Sakon still owed him some money and he couldn't pay it if he were to oh, say, _die_, decided to help.

"Come on, Tayuya, he didn't do it on purpose, Sakon just didn't know you were in there. Why would he peep on you anyway?"

Bad move Kidomaru. Tayuya rounded on him.

"Kidomaru, you better be implying that Sakon is gay, because if you aren't, I'm going to pound you into a bloody pulp." She pounded her fist into her hand for emphasis.

"I'm not gay!" Sakon said defensively. "Kidomaru, how can you even say something like that?"

"I wasn't, I swear!" Kidomaru replied, holding up his many hands defensively.

"That's it!"

Tayuya grabbed his arms- all six of them- and held them behind his back. To his dying day Kidomaru never figured out how tiny little Tayuya managed to hold all six of his arms at once, but considering it was less than a month till his dying day that's not too hard to comprehend.

"Ow, leggo, leggo! Leggo of my arms, Tayuya! Uncle, uncle!"

She pulled his arms harder, and they all heard several snaps before she let go.

"I think you broke something, Tayuya," Kidomaru said, clutching his arms around him. "You gotta learn to control your temper."

"Come on, Kidomaru," Kabuto said, guiding the spider ninja to the infirmary. Tayuya followed, intent on making sure that Kabuto made Kidomaru suffer.

(o.o.o)

Tayuya had managed to break three of Kidomaru's wrists and sprain two more. Once he had patched the spider nin up, Kabuto shooed him out of the infirmary, instructing Tayuya to stay behind.

"What do you want, stink head?" she demanded.

"Tayuya, you have got to stop using the others as your punching bags," he said. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, a habit she desperately wanted to pound out of him.

"Why do you care, Four-eyes?" She crossed her arms over her chest.

Kabuto sighed. "I have too much to do to worry about putting the guys back together every time you get mad just because you can't control yourself," he explained. "I just don't have the time or patience for it."

"Well that's too bad. I have no intention of controlling my temper if they can't control their stupidity."

"Hmph. Maybe you should take over my jobs, then you wouldn't be so quick to break the guys."

She glared at him, and then suddenly looked away, blushing. She seemed to have realized that she was standing in front of him in only a towel. Kabuto quirked an eyebrow at her.

"Tayuya, why are you so angry, anyway? You know Sakon wouldn't peep on you because he's afraid of you. You've made quite sure of that. And Kidomaru was just trying to stop you from killing Sakon because he still owes him from their last poker game."

"I know that," she snapped. "It's just…I'm not pretty," she mumbled.

"Hm? What's that?"

"I said I'm not pretty. I'm not pretty and I can't even use the excuse of being a ninja, because Kin is a ninja, and that Temari girl from the Sand village. You remember her, right? We saw her at the Chunin exams? She's really powerful and she's also beautiful. I'm not even the prettiest among my teammates. Kimimaro takes that trophy. But I know I'm not pretty, I don't need people like you or that idiot Kidomaru telling me."

"Who said you're not pretty? I never said you weren't pretty. I've never heard anyone say that to you or about you at all, and you've been serving Orochimaru for years. I, for one, happen to think that you're beautiful."

Tayuya opened her mouth to speak and stopped. She blinked, blinked again, and closed her mouth. For once, she couldn't think of one vulgar thing to say. No one had ever called her pretty, let alone beautiful, not even her mother. Her sister was the pretty one, her cousin adorable. She was the tomboy, the one who could climb trees without chakra manipulation and had to scrub under her fingernails for them to be considered dirty.

"You're lying, you pigheaded snot," she hissed finally. For some reason, thinking he was lying was more comforting than thinking that anyone might really, honestly, find her attractive. "You just want me to stop beating up Kidomaru and the others so you have less work to do."

Kabuto sighed. He had expected her to get mad, but he'd hoped she'd give him the benefit of the doubt and at least believe him. Without thinking, Kabuto grabbed up Tayuya in a crushing embrace, capturing her mouth in a deep, mutually unexpected kiss. Her arms suddenly preoccupied, the fluffy pink towel came loose and fluttered unnoticed to the ground.

They broke apart some several minutes later, both gasping for breath.

"What was that for?" She asked angrily. Well, she tried to sound angry. It was rather difficult, as her heart was beating much faster than was healthy and her cheeks had turned a deep crimson.

"Well, I told you that I thought you were beautiful and you said I was lying. Do you believe me now?"

"That depends. If I say no, are you going to kiss me again?"

He was about to answer when there was a knock on the door and Sakon entered, calling, "Kabuto, do you think you can take a look at this nosebleed? I can't get it to st-" He spotted Tayuya. "Oh, come on, twice in one day, are you kidding me?"

And then Tayuya was Tayuya again. She chased Sakon through the corridor, yelling obscenities amid his shouts of,

"Stop laughing, Ukon! She's gonna kill us both!"

and, "Kidomaru, would you quit trying to help? I am not gay!"

and, "Not the face, Tayuya, not the face, anywhere but the face! Ack, not there either!"

(o.o.o)

A/N- Aww, poor Sakon. He seems to take the brunt of Tayuya's anger in all of my stories about her. It's kind of sad, actually, I find him to be rather adorable. Of course, I want to cuddle Kyuubi, if that says anything about my sanity and tastes. I'm actually planning a KidoTayu story, since I like that pairing better. Whaddya think?

Tech- Nooo! No one shall have my Tayuya! I'll steal her away from all who might oppose me! She is mine, all mine! I'll fight to the death for her if I have to!

Bubbles- You do realize you're only 5'4, don't you? And where's Snap, anyway?

Tech- (mysteriously) Elsewhere.


End file.
